Grief is an essential and normal response to loss in one's life. Having a relative or friend diagnosed with a mental illness is often associated with a number of losses and corresponding grief.
Some of these losses are:

• Loss of normal life expectancies e.g. inability to work full time.
• Change in family roles e.g. having to "parent" adult child again.
• Change in lifestyle e.g. participating in less social activities due to stigma
• Loss of self esteem e.g. due to inability to protect child.
• Loss of identity e.g. because of major changes in loved one.

The Grief Response.

The grieving response varies from person to person to person, and is influenced by a number of factors - e.g. extent of the loss, personality, cultural background and religious beliefs. It is quite common for members of the same family to grieve very differently (e.g. husband and wife), or to be at different stages of grieving.

Despite the fact that people react to grief in an individual manner, there still appears to be a series of commonly experienced stages in the grieving process, and these are:

• Shock e.g. "This can't be happening"
• Denial e.g. "The doctors don't know what they are talking about"
• Anger i.e. at self, ill relative and / or treating team.
• Bargaining - to gain time or to push back the inevitable
• Depression e.g. tired, withdrawn, apathetic. Different to clinical depression.
• Acceptance i.e. coming to terms with loss; learning to live with it.

Ways of Coping with Loss & Grief

There are no simple answers to coping with such painful losses as those associated with mental illness, but there are certain steps / ideas that can be helpful in easing the pain:

• Reach out for support e.g. friends, support groups, professional counsellors.
• Be patient with yourself - it takes time to adjust to significant changes.
• Be good to yourself e.g. listen to music, read a book, catch up with friends.
• Don't let others burden you with their expectations e.g. "you should be more lenient with him. He is sick after all."
• Try journal writing to help release pent up feelings and gain perspective.
• Get informed about mental illness and services e.g. read books, speak to people in the field of mental health.
• Maintain a healthy, balanced lifestyle e.g. exercise, eat well.